Emily’s Smiles through Difficult Trials

It has been six weeks since I have updated, and alot has been going on around here. Still do not sleep much, my body is so use to waking up at least every 2 hours, I , We think about Emily all the time. There is still so much I want to say, but find it more difficult and upsetting when I am on the computer for some reason. With my friends I am usually ok but when I am on this its harder. I guess due to the fact this was our biggest way of reaching out and where we connect to so many people. So many written out memories. Mornings and nights are still hard for me. I still have to have time by myself . It has been 8 weeks, but it still feels like it was yesterday. I just got my date book out, to look up something and even though at work the computer has the date right there, I realized it has been 2 months today. Then I knew what happened last night was my sign from Emily for this month at the same time she left us for heaven 8 weeks ago. Around 4:50 – 5:00 am, I just got up to get some water, and was thinking Eddie’s alarm clock is going off in 20 minutes, there is no way I will fall back asleep, then I heard , “Mommy”, just so clear and loud like she would call for me when she needed me in her room or woke up and I was not in there, the same tone that I always heard it. For a second I thought that it must be Trey dreaming outloud, calling me like he sometimes does in his sleep, but I got up and realized Trey was spending the night at Nana’s. I knew then that I was right, it was Emily! I went to her room, even though I didn’t see her, I just felt she was with me. I know it may sound a little strange but it was very real to me.

Got home around 8;00 tonight and shared all this with Eddie and Trey, and Trey said “maybe she will say something to me next time”. I told him “she will probably give you a big big kiss on your cheek”, and he smiled great big. On Monday, Trey will go to Camp Sunshine ( Lower Cape Fear Hospice & LifeCare Center ) for a week. There will be fun and creative activities which will provide a way for Trey to express himself along with other children his age that have gone through a similar loss in their life. He does well, and we continue to talk about past memories as if she is with us sometimes. Trey told me he has made a memory box and has different things in it that remind him of happy times and certain things they made together or bought when we were on vacation. He said whereever he goes he will always take that box.

Since May 7th last update, I made it through a tough Mother’s day on the 11th. On May 17th , The Tug Mcgraw Foundation invited us to Raleigh to see Tim Mcgraw in concert, and it was the best concert with the best seats!!! It was one month that night and there were two songs that really touched me especially when he was singing with the little girl on stage. He waved at Trey, and we really had a great time. Our church planted a tree in memory of Emily. We visit her at the church cemetery all the time, but I feel closest to her here at home, where we were with her in the final stages. Sometimes I find it hard to leave the house.

I started working a couple days the next week and then Trey had awards day and a class party on June 5th. I didn’t think I was going to get through this emotional day. Seeing Emily’s friends in the different 1st grade classes was smiles and tears. They all were so close. Emily’s 1st grade teachers, Mrs. Wortman and Mrs. Garrison had awards day after Trey’s third grade class . Emily’s teachers and 1st grade class presented us a beautiful plaque in Memory of our Little Angel with their class name, and a Teddy Bear that sat at Emily’s desk for the children to hug and ask questions if needed, about Emily. I actually made it up to the stage. This school year an Art award was given in Emily’s memory to a student in each of the classes 1st – 5th grades at NTES for their artistic skills. We will carry this on each year. A tree was planted by her 1st grade class in memory of Emily. It was a beautiful day!

We appreciate our church, school, and community support during these trials. Topsail Football camp started Monday June 9th for a week in the afternoon, Trey and his friends are getting ready for the football season! Topsail’s high school coaches and players taught them many drills and tips.

Father’s Day was a emotional day for me and I know for Eddie too. Last Saturday fishing offshore with Jeff P. in his boat. Trey wanting to catch a big one for Emily! I want everyone know how much we appreciate the cards, letters and messages you have sent. I have our cards out and read them over and over when I need comforting words and encouragement.

Love, Dawn

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.”
~ Richard Bach

Wanted to write a note about the last couple of weeks without Emily. We miss her so much and carry on like she is with us, especially in the house. Trey says “I bet she will snuggle with me tonight” and blows her kisses before he goes to sleep. It seems he finds comfort in knowing Emily’s spirit is with us, and one day we will all be together again, forever! He also finds comfort in knowing she is with the other children we knew at the hospital, and our family that is in heaven. He loves the cross that glows at night that Chance’s parents gave to us. He said, “Emily has her own night light”. We can see it from the highway at night.

I have finally watched all of the DVD of Emily’s Celebration of Life service. It took awhile to get through it, the pictures just gave us so many memories to cherish. We were so touched by the family and friends who were there to celebrate her life. Cars were even parked on the front lawn of the church! We appreciate so many being with us during this time. We did not have the chance to talk with friends and family after the graveside service, but looking around we saw so many friends and family we had not seen for a long time. We are very thankful for the many who traveled long distances to be with us. Emily used to say “Mommy I want alot of friends to come to my birthday party” so I know she was looking down at all the people that were there and was so happy to know there were so many to celebrate her Homecoming to Heaven. Emily loved balloons so much. She would have to have one if we went to grocery store or to Smithfields BBQ and always had to have some at birthday parties. I know she was all smiles when all those ballons were released to her.

We always go to visit with her at the cemetery and we have not seen a caterpillar or butterfly since the first time we were there visiting. I know that was my sign from God and Emily that all is well. The Words of Comfort and Reflection, Tribute to Emily, Little Angels poem, Gods Garden poem and the Message from our Pastor will be forever in our hearts. We thank everyone for helping us in this most difficult time, and the celebration service was so touching.

Audrea kept be busy the first week, with t-shirts and things getting ready for the Relay Kids Walk. Then the next weekend for the Relay for Life event which kept us busy but sometimes emotional. I tried to keep it together. Eddie went back to work Monday and it has been hard on him as well. It’s hard to be at the house by myself so yesterday I showed up at the dentist office to review the computer software and see what was new, and they put me right to work! It was like I never left, the Drs. and all the girls I work with have been very supportive during these past 20 months. It felt good to get gloved up and scaling those teeth. I plan to go in 2 days next week.

The nights are the hardest for us, thats when Emily was awake more and we would snuggle and read or watch a movie and talk. Trey said he will keep me busy and he is taking good care of Oreo for Emily. He said “Mom I know I will be busy because everytime I catch a fish I have to catch one for Emily and everytime we go to the beach I will have to pick up shells for Emily, I will always have to do things two times”. We still review all the messages from the past and present and we find great strength in those messages. Emily will always be in spirit encouraging us to do great things.
Love, Eddie, Dawn, and Trey

Old habits are hard to break and yes, I too have been on Emily’s site often. There are so many things I’d personally like to say to each of you that have been so diligent in reading this journal and sending so many kind words to Emily’s parents. I seem to find myself wondering when & what to write to all of you. Emily lives on in our hearts and minds and each day that passes we see constant reminders of her sweet life. From the caterpillar to the butterfly, to the gentle breeze blowing at a certain moment, to the hummingbird flitting around, to 200 children signing up for the Relay Kids Walk……Emily’s presence is felt each and every day. The impact she has had on our community, church, school system, family and friends is nothing short of amazing. God is still working through Emily, only now it is through her spirit. As I told Aunt Linda (Nana) the other day, “Emily may not be here with us physically but she is still working us to death to carry out her mission.” Emily leaves behind a legacy that will go on forever!

I know Dawn shared the news about Emily the “butterfly” at the gravesite following her and Eddie around, but what she didn’t tell you was what happened much earlier at the gravesite as we all gathered under the tent after the Celebration of Life Service. You see, while the family was still in the car, we watched as this caterpillar began to crawl onto the carpet turf under the seats the family was to be seated in. I couldn’t stand it and had to announce “Look! It’s a caterpillar! Surely a sign from Emily!” And of course as Dawn & Eddie approached, yes, I had to tell them too. The caterpillar continued to crawl and apparently settled underneath the chair that Trey was sitting in. Well, during the brief prayer at the grave and then the balloon release by the children, the family and guests all left. We all forgot the little caterpillar……………….

Several hours later Dawn & Eddie returned to view the beautiful flowers before a family dinner in the fellowship hall. Most of the family went on ahead to the building while Dawn, Eddie & I stayed with friends, Audrea & Brad and their children. The kids wanted to see the flowers and help take all the silk arrangements and little silk butterflies and things to the van for Dawn & Eddie to take home. There was a terrible thunderstorm approaching and we didn’t want anything to get ruined. Well, one of the kids picked up an arrangement and yelled “LOOK its the CATERPILLAR!” We were all just stunned. Hours had passed, the grave had been covered, flowers had been moved, the carpet was gone and 2 of the 3 tents had been taken down. How on earth could this caterpillar still be there? But “she” was! Dawn picked it up and it crawled all over her hand ever so gently then Dawn passed it off to Tyler and he lovingly placed it back on the flowers……. the next day the most beautiful monarch butterfly followed Eddie and Dawn around the cemetery. They know that it was Miss Emily dancing and “showing off” how she can now fly.

Another sign that afternoon was the most beautiful rainbow toward the beach. You see, while we were anticipating a terrible storm and did have some wind, lightening and dark clouds, we never had a storm. All around us within 20 minutes or so, there were torrential rains, hail and just terrible storm conditions, but not around our church. Several people saw the most beautiful rainbow in the sky toward the beach and Jacksonville. I’m sorry I missed that but know in my heart that it was another sign from God that all is well and brighter days are coming for Emily’s parents and Trey and yes for all of the family. We are all healing from the loss of Emily but yet we really are rejoicing that she is free of pain and is running and playing in heaven.

Now one more thing I must tell you. Remember the children participating in the Relay for Life Kids Walk? Well, Emily painted a picture that was used on the front of the T-shirts. It was one of the last paintings she did and it was chosen for the shirts. Guess what it was a picture of????? Yes, a CATERPILLAR! Now, do you believe God gives us signs? I sure do! I just wish I realized them when they were in front of me instead of afterward. I (We) just need to open our hearts and be aware of them, accept them, and live our life in a manner according to His will. How can we not when we see all the wonderful things He has done through our Emily? He has surely used her life to inspire each of us to live and act better and to hold fast to His word.

Thank you again to everyone for all you’ve done to make the last 20 months bearable for Emily’s family. To thank each one of you personally is impossible but you must know that your kind words and deeds have gone straight to the hearts of the entire family. There will be other updates to come, so please continue to visit the website. Now, I leave you with the quote that was on our church sign about Emily. “Emily is not gone, she has just gone ahead.” She is surely helping to prepare a place for each of us and we find comfort in the fact that we will see her again one day.

Much Love,
Stephanie